


With You Or Without You

by yeska_noka



Category: A.B.C.-Z, Kis-My-Ft2 (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-02
Updated: 2011-06-02
Packaged: 2019-03-29 23:27:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13937715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeska_noka/pseuds/yeska_noka
Summary: Set after the final concert of Kis-My-Ftni Aeru de Show vol. 3. Kisumai's debut has been announced, and Tottsu refuses to speak a word.





	With You Or Without You

"Hashimoto," Kitayama calls, and Hashimoto stops in his tracks, turning. "A moment?"

"Ah, Kitayama-kun," Hashimoto says, "Congratulations." His eyes are warm and happy, and he clearly means it. It pulls at Kitayama's heart a little, another little reminder that swirls a rush of happiness through him, but beneath it there's the heavy knowledge that it comes at someone else's expense.

"Thank you," he smiles, also genuine, and reaches out to take Hashimoto's arm. "I need you to do me a favor," he says when he's pulled Hashimoto far enough from everyone else and close enough to himself that they're not likely to be overheard.

"Hm? Sure?"

Kitayama glances around first to make sure no one has drifted close, guilty for reasons he can't discern himself. "Take care of Tottsu?"

"What?" Hashimoto looks blank.

It hurts to hand Totsuka over to someone else like this, but he needs someone right now, Kitayama knows, and it can't be him. Totsuka loves Hashimoto, too, and Hashimoto loves him back. It's not the relationship Kitayama and Totsuka have, but maybe it's just as strong in its own way.

"Be with him," Kitayama tells Hashimoto. "Be there for him. Stay with him."

Hashimoto's eyes flash. "I always am!" he says, clearly indignant. "I do," he continues. "Someone has to."

It's almost an accusation, and Kitayama bites his lip to keep from otherwise flinching. He loves Totsuka, but he can't be there for him. He loves him, and that's why he can give him away.

"I know that," Kitayama says. "It's why I'm asking you."

He glances over to where Goseki is leaning against a wall, arms crossed and talking softly to Tsukada who looks equally tense. Totsuka is nowhere to be seen.

"They need you now, most of all. All of them. But," Kitayama feels selfish even as he says it, "Totsuka needs you more."

He can see it as understanding settles across Hashimoto's face. Hashimoto isn't stupid, not when it comes to important things, not when it comes to the people who matter.

"Kitayama-kun..." He trails off, searching Kitayama's face.

Kitayama closes his eyes and sighs. "Please."

"I always do," Hashimoto says, but it's quiet, and when Kitayama opens his eyes again to look at him, Hashimoto nods in confirmation.

"Thank you," Kitayama breathes, and the sadness lifts.

There's a sense of guilt for passing Totsuka off to someone else to deal with, like discarded responsibility, but Kitayama also knows he's done the right thing. Being together wouldn't do either of them any good right now. He can't make it better. It's his day, his time, and he knows Totsuka well enough to know he wouldn't want to drag Kitayama down, either. 

But Kitayama trusts Hashimoto, he realizes. He knows with every fiber of his being that Totsuka will be okay, but until he is, Hashimoto will be strong for him.

Kitayama sees them a little while later, watches as they slip away side-by-side, unnoticed in the backstage clamor of excitement that runs through both his group and their supporting juniors. He smiles to himself and pulls out his phone, heart light again with the knowledge that Totsuka is in good hands. He types out one message and presses send.

From: pocky_1111@i.softbank.jp  
To: the_best_ryosuke@docomo.ne.jp

[Thank you.]

**Author's Note:**

> This story is followed directly by [this one](http://www.kira-kira.net/fanfiction/2011/our-little-wishes/) by mousapelli. Note that the fic in the link is NSFW and is rated NC-17/Explicit.


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